Comments on: Please critique my poem – Title: AGAINST THE GRAIN?

By: Stephanie T

Stephanie T — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:48:59 +0000

I mostly liked it. It opens my mind made me think on things I hadn't before, and other parts rang true in my own life. Very important things in a poem. It was kinda choppy and it seemed a little long like it was dragging a bit. I think to tighten it up you should put your last two verses together, possibly use a full sentence, w/ commas and periods, instead of verse style, and work on the rhyming. When you begin in rhyme then stop, you literally drop your reader like they've hit a speed bump or something. It's all or nothing when you rhyme. Do it or don't. And I noticed you spelled shepherd wrong. I hope I helped. Take care.
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By: Valsette

Valsette — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:23:59 +0000

well as they say up above its dark in some parts but that is what the WORLD is all about .. its real life and real life has a dark side and poetry is about freedom of expression, thoughts, feelings and situations e.t.c.

Its an honest poem, contemplative and thoughtfull:)

AND no its not too long .. like is said earlier… poetry is about expression of thought and passion… there is no limit not too short not too long… thats the beauty of poetry.
“I’ve a little secret for you. Huddle up. Huddle up! . . . We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion. Now medicine, law, business, engineering — these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love — these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman:

O ME! O life!… of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish…
What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse. [full text]

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

– Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society
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By: Olde One.

Olde One. — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:40:59 +0000

grayson is a liar, so don’t you worry. one with a job, such as he professes to have, would have a better grasp on the language.

critique time!

the first thing i noticed was the length. in this day and age, i suppose we are too lazy to sit through something that requires more than ten seconds to take in. length is not a bad thing, as long as there’s something to say.

what troubled me, next, was line 8. you opened with a word that fits the rhyme of the previous line, and it interrupted the flow. of course, i see you did that throughout the rest of the poem, so you must have a reason…. perhaps to interrupt the flow….?

next, i was rather put off by the subject matter. i’ve heard a lot of those "i’m not like all the othe sheep" poems. you’d be amazed at how many there are, out there. when attempting a cliche’, either you create something far above par, or you go unnoticed. it is generally good to avoid themes associated with teen angst years.

..of course, your poem does stand out better than some of the others i’ve read. seems to be the skeleton of a rap song, perhaps? the end of the poem doesn’t seem to fit, unless you think of the whole poem as a song.

thank you for putting yourself out on the chopping blog, good sir.

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By: ordinary.magic

ordinary.magic — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:51:59 +0000

I honestly liked it.
Yes it was a little long.
So I would suggest shortening it.
But it was good.
good job

what do you think of mine?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgTUyc5OcraDUtj1eRhSaAkazKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081125160144AA7bFSM

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By: Avril Dolonar

Avril Dolonar — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:18:59 +0000

Very cool! I loved it!
Can you asnwer my poetry question?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApyeDq57TH9fYRyMTjgiwzzsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081125125640AA4GxQ4
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By: Inmate #4739554

Inmate #4739554 — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:10:59 +0000

That was rather harsh of Grayson. But, in all fairness, it is a bit long.
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By: Grayson G

Grayson G — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:33:59 +0000

I head thoffense of the international poetry and literature and I mean no offence by this but that poem was absolutely horrible.Though appaled by this piece of writing I have some advice on editing your poem.
1. Shorten your Poem
2. Only Rhyme if the words fit in perfectly
3. If you are considering a career in poetry or teaching please stop now
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